I once told myself that this emotion is just a Chemical reaction in my brain.
Nothing more nothing less.
I once thought i would all ways be alone, forever.
I was calling...waiting for the end.
Now, i don't want the world to keep spinning.
I want my mind to fluctuate
And i want my heart to flutter.




Months an months come and go.
These 4 white walls remain here.
And he never seems to call.
I sweat, i freeze, i see the leaves turn brown.
Remaining optimistic through the toughest of seasons is hard.
But with all this time to think, I will manage to cope.

I guess i can formulate my own advice.
I learned how to tie my own tie.
I have you're smile.
I have you're silver tongue.
And i hate every part of it.

Maybe one of these days, things will be different.
Until then, ill sit here, in silence much like all these years past.
Ill wait
Ill wait
Ill wait.

I don't want to bury you.



I cant say i welcome damnation to anothers life.
I cant say that two wrongs dont make a right.
What i can say, is that nothing about this is right.

I can find no means of jsutification in this instance.
Just a misconception of time and relevance.
Now i know why you're eyes are blinded.
This time spent pondering which way lady justice's arm will swing.
But now, ive come to realize that no matter which side it swing in favor of...
Noone is right.
Justice is not Fair.
Liberty is not Pure.
And words are as hollow as the Gavel you're "judges" swing.

Fuck your system.



This lonely crawl has my knees and hands dirty
my minds a mess, and my lips are bleeding.
tempt me one more time, leave your quite scent on my bed.
lick my lips one more time.
i taste you're terrible reminder.
over and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over




So, i had to weed out the records i couldn't part with(first picture), and the ones i could do without (second picture), and the ones that i love..but still need to sacrifice. I still believe this is all for the better. But it was extremely difficult to do this. Its worth it in the long run.


My Future

So, I'm pretty much selling off half of my collection, taking a loan,. to do something that Ive wanted to do for as long as i can remember. Put out a Punk record. These next few months will be trying for me. Lets see if i have my head above water in 6 months. Wish me luck


When Relativity isn't enough...

My inherent sense of time is false, furthermore i know no motive, No reason why i think. I cannot confirm nor deny why i am here. My subdued "conscious" is a dream (or distorted sense of "reality"). My sense conception is only conveyed through vibrational representation, I know or at least "believe" in this reality, that nothing is real. What i write is not real, the sky above me is not real, Therefore the world is painted in a new shade of apathy. So in the end, everything is everything and nothing at the same "time".


Tour recap...

I went into this tour, not knowing what to expect. None the less by the end of this tour, i was happy that i got to spend time with great people. Without going into much detail. we traveled from California,Oregon,Washington,Idaho (FUCK THAT PLACE), Colorado,Denver and Arizona. And i can say it was way fun. Time for change played great. They made enough money for their next tour. Along the way, we made up a mythological person of sorts, called the Chain Man, when we drove in nor cal we were required to get chains, but as we drove by the person who was suppose to be applying them, he was nowhere to be found. And thus the mythical Chain man was born. Every time something went wrong, wed say it was all in the chain mans will, or it was the chain mans fault. Made for a great inside joke. we also met up with my friends band Abandon in Portland, they were great, great live and so fun. There was suppose to be another show with them, but unfortunately the weather didn't help. But it was fun seeing other friends on tour, as well as seeing my other friend Daryl's band Death AD on the same show. We stayed at a beautiful  cabin, with some of brians family, and we got to test during those days, which was really needed. It was beautiful. We also made a trip to the grand canyon which was amazing. It was quite nice. The only bad thing i can think of while on this tour, was how miserable snow is, and how much  of a hate i have for it now. I could write for hours about this, but they say pictures can express so much more. So Check this out.

















mobile blogging

i jsut signed up for mobile blogging. 
so while im away at tour i will update this, with pictures and what not from my cell.
Wish me good luck!


a good life

"In this Nov, 5, 2008 file photo, Lelia LaRue, right, shows her father, George Francis, 112, a copy of the morning newspaper with President-elect Barack Obama on the front page, at the Sacramento, Calif. nursing home where Francis lives. Francis, the nation's oldest man who lived through both world wars, man's first walk on the moon and got to vote for the first black president, has died. He was 112."

to see all the ahcnge and amazing and horrible things that his man has seen would be amazing. i dont know why i posted this, but it touched my heart.




I could have predicted this.
I almost hoped for this.
Another mess i cant get around.

Today was long, gloomy and mundane.
I sat alot, read alot, drank alot.
And i still cant understand why the sun even came up.
Whats more shocking is how dark it is.

I just want to make music again.
I picked my classes for next semester. 
Christmas is right around the corner, and i still have no significant other to give my heart to.
Some things are better not given away, rather then savored for ones self.

Perhaps this year will yield some change, but based on the past three hundred and fifty days or so, i doubt the next three hundred and seventy something, will go better.



Whats allways interested me about America, is the constitution and how it relates to the current times in America. Ive been reading on Thomas Jefferson, and some of the other founding fathers. What interests me, is that they wanted to seperate church and state so fat apart, they wouldnt be relevant (rather the church having effect on government). And i laugh at this now, because everything, that i can see, in the government, is influenced by Religon. Which makes me think, what if these men came back, took a look at the current state of our Country in relation to the documents they wrote, And could honestly say this is what they had in mind. Im sure it isnt. Which dissapoints me in many ways.

Schools kicking my ass, but im doing pretty good. its allready time to register for next semester, so im kind of stressing out about that. I also set a goal for myself, by next semster i will be driving, we will see how that goes.

My music life and love life seem to parallel eachother, nothings going on in either, sweet.


This goes out to the true Straight Edge

...This time you pushed me too far...


My studying

These​ are quote​s by found​ing fathe​rs,​ who faced​ oppre​ssion​ in engla​nd under​ a tyran​nical​ relig​ious nut job of a monar​ch.​ The found​ing fathe​rs came to Ameri​ca for freed​om.​ The follo​wing are quote​s of some of Ameri​cas best (and earli​est)​ think​ers.​

"In no insta​nce have . . . the churc​hes been guard​ians of the liber​ties of the peopl​e.​"

"​Every​ new and succe​ssful​ examp​le,​ there​fore,​ of a perfe​ct separ​ation​ betwe​en the eccle​siast​ical and civil​ matte​rs,​ is of impor​tance​;​ and I have no doubt​ that every​ new examp​le will succe​ed,​ as every​ past one has done,​ in showi​ng that relig​ion and Gover​nment​ will both exist​ in great​er purit​y the less they are mixed​ toget​her"​ Lette​r to Edwar​d Livin​gston​,​ July 10, 1822

-​James​ Madis​on (​known​ as "​Fathe​r of the Const​ituti​on"​)​


"​Milli​ons of innoc​ent men, women​,​ and child​ren,​ since​ the intro​ducti​on of Chris​tiani​ty,​ have been burne​d,​ tortu​red,​ fined​,​ and impri​soned​,​ yet we have not advan​ced one inch towar​d unifo​rmity​.​ What has been the effec​t of coerc​ion?​ To make one half of the world​ fools​ and the other​ half hypoc​rites​.​" Notes​ on Virgi​nia

"​Chris​tiani​ty is the most perve​rted syste​m that ever shone​ on man."

-​Thoma​s Jeffe​rson [​1743-​1826]​ 3rd Ameri​can presi​dent,​ autho​r,​ scien​tist,​ archi​tect,​ educa​tor,​ and diplo​mat.​ Deist​,​ avid separ​ation​ist.​


"The gover​nment​ of the Unite​d State​s is not, in any sense​,​ found​ed on the Chris​tian relig​ion.​" Treat​y of Tripo​ly,​ artic​le 11

"The quest​ion befor​e the human​ race is, wheth​er the God of natur​e shall​ gover​n the world​ by his own laws,​ or wheth​er pries​ts and kings​ shall​ rule it by ficti​tious​ mirac​les.​" lette​r to Thoma​s Jeffe​rson,​ June 20, 1815

-​John Adams​ [​1735-​1826]​ 2d Presi​dent of the Unite​d State​


"The relig​ious perse​cutio​n of the ages has been done under​ what was claim​ed to be the comma​nd of God.​"​ Rufus​ K. Noyes​,​ Views​ of Relig​ion,​ quote​d from James​ A. Haugh​t,​ ed., 2000 Years​ of Disbe​lief

-​Susan​ B. Antho​ny [​1820-​1906]​ Ameri​can femin​ist leade​r and suffr​agist​.​


"In the affai​rs of the world​,​ men are saved​,​ not by faith​,​ but by the want of it."

"I have found​ Chris​tian dogma​ unint​ellig​ible.​ Early​ in life,​ I absen​teed mysel​f from Chris​tian assem​blies​.​"

-​Benja​min Frank​lin [​1706-​1790]​ Ameri​can publi​c offic​ial,​ write​r,​ scien​tist,​ and print​er who playe​d a major​ part in the Ameri​can Revol​ution​.​


Now pleas​e tell me, that this count​ry was found​ on "​chris​tian"​ moral​.​ when it seems​ most of the peopl​e that desig​ned our gover​nment​,​ and the way our const​ituti​on is set up spat on the name of Chris​tiani​ty,​ and all most the basic​ idea of a god. If any of these​ men/​women​ came back and saw how the const​ituti​on was being​ "​inter​prete​d"​ and how the count​ry is blind​ly lead by faith​ based​ Burea​ucrat​s.​ They would​ proba​bly have never​ have wrote​ what they did.

Leave​ your Relig​ous biase​d at the door,​ and vote for SOCIA​L equal​ity,​ and progr​essio​n.​ 

Not only the rejec​tion of god (and there​ by the disbe​lief of) but the rejec​tion of moder​n relig​ions and all its teach​ings.​




I Eat alone.
I Sleep alone.
I Dream alone.
I think alone.

I turn over in my bed, like a new leaf.
Hot autumn air brushing against my gray face.

I told myself yesterday...
I wouldn't wake up dead today.
But no death is as it seems.

Digging past the warn soil.
I find weathered and torn remnants.
Calling, yearning for an embrace.

The soils so cold.
Not until i feel the earths warm embrace....
Actions seem to have worth.
Words are more than just sounds.
Emotions are not just in the mind.

Tomorrow will be just another day.
Life slips away at every moment, ever step, every breath.
I look up to the gray skies, praying for an end.

Can you hear me?
Can you feel me?
Touch Me.
Love Me.

Because heaven knows, I'll wait.

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"Everything is so beautiful from up here..."



id love to talk to you right now.
chances are you are busy.
so ill sit and wait.



When you have nowhere to go
Nowhere to be
Thats when you realize your most alone.

I Love being alone.


Fuck Life

Fuck Working from 9-5
Fuck Working your whole life, and dying while your body breaks down
Fuck Taking lives, and ending yours at the same time
Fuck Social standards of living
Fuck Economical value
Fuck Terminal Boredom
Fuck Living and dying for no reason

We are just spinning through space, no sense of purpose, no sense of worth.

Fuck Life