I know ive been talking about my emotions as of late, and i msure by the bulletins (if your my friend) you have a general idea of wat im going through. ive been in this weird relationship limbo with my ex. not knowing what the deal was with us, and not being the best person i could be.
The funny thing is, i know deep down, im over her, and want to be her friend, which i have no problem being at all. i rather be in her life than not at all. but like allways my paranoia got the best of me, and i interpreted things wrong and made a fool out of myself and pushed her even that much father away. which is a regret i have. Im gratefull i have a second chance. And that she stil lgives a shit. Sometimes i really dont, i dont care, i dont want to care at least even though i know i do. So i say things that i really shouldnt have, and she interpreted them as something else. Whos to blame? neither of us, it was a bad stuation.
It would kill me to see her with another guy, but the fact is, she will find someone else, someone better and i shouldnt lie to myself. Cause if i g et all crazy that will push her away. And im not down with that. So im gunna be the better man, swallow my pride cause i know what important and that us mainting this friendship.
Do I think im gunna date or find someone soon? no i dont think so, i need to grow heal and learn from this, what good is your heart if it doesnt break right?
Theres so many things i would have done differently, and it sucks, cause i know things would have been way better. But everything happens for a reason, and im fine with that.
Its hard not talking to her as much, but i cant blame her, i mean why, im just an ex now.
I dont know what i mean to her now, and at this point i dont know iof i should even care, will it matter or make a difference. probably not.
Ive been told im a troubled souls with a tourmented mind, and i sympathize with that, i know ill allways be alone, and im fine with that. My head is to all over the place for that.
So this was just a rant, thanks for reading
With Love
-Chris
1 comment:
people aren't meant to be alone man.
i don't care what ANYONE says, a life alone just doesn't feel right.
you're a smart guy and i can tell you that even though i'm a little older, the shit doesn't make any more sense now than it did then.
i've been there, felt hurt as fuck, really even more than lost- that kind of feeling of nothing when it comes to relationships. and ive really felt like i wanted/missed someone.
and im sure i did want/miss them and things could have probably worked. but i know, there's hope and possibility.
i hope the hurt doesnt last long chris, youre a great guy.
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