I cant help but think I'm going to get fucked over again. But who knows, i guess you never know until you give it a chance.
Other then that, I'm going on tour in less then a month, and I'm stoked, Arete progress is slow but worth it. I quit my job, it felt as if it was time to move on, without getting too far into it, that's just what needed to happen. I miss it all ready, and miss the store so much. But i need to focus on my future.
Ive felt sort of disconnected with most of the people around me, it seems as though I've gone into a somewhat recluse state yet again, but this time for no apparent reason. Oh well, I'll snap out of it.
2.7.08
7.6.08
06-07-2008
if god created man in his image,
I feel bad for "god", because thus far in my life, I've come to the conclusion, humans are among the most worthless piles of shit wandering this earth.
I feel bad for "god", because thus far in my life, I've come to the conclusion, humans are among the most worthless piles of shit wandering this earth.
1.6.08
06-1-2008
"Seasons past.
This isn't the last.
Four white walls
And no one calls"
In less then a month ill be 20, very very scary.
this weekend has been great, lots of music, I'm seeing Tragedy tonight.
Arete is going great, i need to write more though.
This isn't the last.
Four white walls
And no one calls"
In less then a month ill be 20, very very scary.
this weekend has been great, lots of music, I'm seeing Tragedy tonight.
Arete is going great, i need to write more though.
21.5.08
05-21-2008
Writing for Arete has been extremely hard for me, both musically and emotionally. I have never sang to this style before, so i find myself going over the song, over and over to make sure i have t right. And writing, with as much emotion as i want to, is hard as well, i don't like thinking about the past, but i guess it puts me in the state i need to be in.
I'm thinking less of life, as i learn more about how "emotions" are just chemical reactions in the brain, it makes everything seem like it has less worth.
These next few months should be interesting.
I'm thinking less of life, as i learn more about how "emotions" are just chemical reactions in the brain, it makes everything seem like it has less worth.
These next few months should be interesting.
15.5.08
05-15-2008
------work in progress----
this is what i have of the story so far. this will take me a few more nights to complete.
" As time slipped on, I wondered what was beyond this great void, of timeless and effortless existence. What made everything worth while. While the moon changed its many faces, why the currents of the ocean swayed. Countless hours, many tears and some ounces of blood being spilled, over these seemingly pathetic ideas or troubles rather.
As my mind drew closer to personal turmoil. I was reminded of a story my grandfather once told me. My grandfather Icarus, was a very stubborn, timeless and weary man. He had a overwhelming addiction to Ether, which plagued his now crippled and broken down frame. We were sitting in his old living room, when he randomly burst out into what at first I thought was incoherent rambling. But as I listened on, everything fell in place and his words seemed to flow effortless from his desert cracked lips. “Once, in a forest in a desolate area of Siberia, a man traveled, wondering through the green haze...in search of answers that lay beyond the wisdom of the wise old oaks that tower over his skull, or the brown, gritty soil beneath his weathered soles. This man, named Freud, wandered aimlessly through many villages and small towns, asking the town elder, various questions that as far as the “elders” were concerned were not poignant nor relevant to anything or anyone. But yet on, he pressed, asking questions, prodding...poking at every corner of their minds, every dark shadow in soul, every pagan thought. He asked, he urged he continued....”
I sit in the kitchen, looking at a half eaten bowl of cherrios. Looking at my milk soaked spoon, reflect the plum tree outside. And I had thought about my grandfather has said yesterday. Trying to dissect what he had said. Trying to find some kind of meaning in the incoherent sentences he spewed out. I still cant understand what this old man was talking about, was he even making sense? Maybe it’s the old age, maybe it’s the schizophrenia. Maybe it’s the Ether. It could be a lot of things. It was a cold night so far, I can hear the crickets play their harsh tunes, I hear te opossums scampering back and fourth. Tonight was just another night....yet my grandfathers words still resonate within my thoughts.
I wake up to what sounds like shuffling around the house. I hear what sounds like moaning, but I come to realize its my grandfather rambling. I cannot quite make out what he is really rambling about. I thought nothing of it, until I heard the name again. “Icaraus....”.
I hurry over to my grandfather, and ask him what he was talking about. He looks at me, with a very calm demeanor, tells me to take a seat. I sit, te couch is old, I can feel the springs on my buttocks, and the couch wreaks of old cigarette smoke. My grandfather takes one look at me, breathes what looks like a very painful and punishing breath. And says to me, “you are a smart child Thomas, but I still don’t think you have what it is....in your mind...to quite understand what im saying...”. I glare on, with a puzzled yet intrigued look on my face. "
this is what i have of the story so far. this will take me a few more nights to complete.
" As time slipped on, I wondered what was beyond this great void, of timeless and effortless existence. What made everything worth while. While the moon changed its many faces, why the currents of the ocean swayed. Countless hours, many tears and some ounces of blood being spilled, over these seemingly pathetic ideas or troubles rather.
As my mind drew closer to personal turmoil. I was reminded of a story my grandfather once told me. My grandfather Icarus, was a very stubborn, timeless and weary man. He had a overwhelming addiction to Ether, which plagued his now crippled and broken down frame. We were sitting in his old living room, when he randomly burst out into what at first I thought was incoherent rambling. But as I listened on, everything fell in place and his words seemed to flow effortless from his desert cracked lips. “Once, in a forest in a desolate area of Siberia, a man traveled, wondering through the green haze...in search of answers that lay beyond the wisdom of the wise old oaks that tower over his skull, or the brown, gritty soil beneath his weathered soles. This man, named Freud, wandered aimlessly through many villages and small towns, asking the town elder, various questions that as far as the “elders” were concerned were not poignant nor relevant to anything or anyone. But yet on, he pressed, asking questions, prodding...poking at every corner of their minds, every dark shadow in soul, every pagan thought. He asked, he urged he continued....”
I sit in the kitchen, looking at a half eaten bowl of cherrios. Looking at my milk soaked spoon, reflect the plum tree outside. And I had thought about my grandfather has said yesterday. Trying to dissect what he had said. Trying to find some kind of meaning in the incoherent sentences he spewed out. I still cant understand what this old man was talking about, was he even making sense? Maybe it’s the old age, maybe it’s the schizophrenia. Maybe it’s the Ether. It could be a lot of things. It was a cold night so far, I can hear the crickets play their harsh tunes, I hear te opossums scampering back and fourth. Tonight was just another night....yet my grandfathers words still resonate within my thoughts.
I wake up to what sounds like shuffling around the house. I hear what sounds like moaning, but I come to realize its my grandfather rambling. I cannot quite make out what he is really rambling about. I thought nothing of it, until I heard the name again. “Icaraus....”.
I hurry over to my grandfather, and ask him what he was talking about. He looks at me, with a very calm demeanor, tells me to take a seat. I sit, te couch is old, I can feel the springs on my buttocks, and the couch wreaks of old cigarette smoke. My grandfather takes one look at me, breathes what looks like a very painful and punishing breath. And says to me, “you are a smart child Thomas, but I still don’t think you have what it is....in your mind...to quite understand what im saying...”. I glare on, with a puzzled yet intrigued look on my face. "
14.5.08
05-14-2008
I've started to write my own short story. It will take me a few days. Once its done, it will be my next post. So yeah.
12.5.08
10.5.08
05-10-2008
So, today I'm riding in the car, and i ask him a simple question. "Anthony, what if there was no floor or ground for that matter?" with this he replied with a statement basically amounting to.."why the fuck would i need to think about something like that?".
And it got me thinking even more, i put so much brain power into simple questions like these, and i eventually give myself a headache. I think looking through my eyes of the world, everything falls apart. And i really cannot comprehend anything.
Asking all these philosophical questions..As Anthony pointed out, will eventually drive me crazy. And i can kind of see it happening all ready. Sometimes ill be sitting at school, staring at a tree, or a blade of grass, wondering what constitutes its purpose, what use we have for it, what makes it a tree...All answers are relative, seeing as how we look at certain distinctions of a object (or idea for that matter) and slap a word on it. Ideas like this fascinate me, and drive me fucking insane every time i think about it.
In all honesty, id hate to be a man remembered for the things he thought, let alone we well known for it. This terrifies me, as does the whole world around me.
Anyways to get this rant out of the way, i wish there was no floor, i wish there was no love, i wish there was no such thing as a wish, and i wish matter would breakdown, so everything can make sense.
Death to Distinction.
And it got me thinking even more, i put so much brain power into simple questions like these, and i eventually give myself a headache. I think looking through my eyes of the world, everything falls apart. And i really cannot comprehend anything.
Asking all these philosophical questions..As Anthony pointed out, will eventually drive me crazy. And i can kind of see it happening all ready. Sometimes ill be sitting at school, staring at a tree, or a blade of grass, wondering what constitutes its purpose, what use we have for it, what makes it a tree...All answers are relative, seeing as how we look at certain distinctions of a object (or idea for that matter) and slap a word on it. Ideas like this fascinate me, and drive me fucking insane every time i think about it.
In all honesty, id hate to be a man remembered for the things he thought, let alone we well known for it. This terrifies me, as does the whole world around me.
Anyways to get this rant out of the way, i wish there was no floor, i wish there was no love, i wish there was no such thing as a wish, and i wish matter would breakdown, so everything can make sense.
Death to Distinction.
6.5.08
05-06-2008
This last weekend, was great, hung out with some awesome friends. Ate awesome food, listed to great music.
(happy birthday Andy)
Lately, Ive felt very conflicted in my love life, i have my heart pulling me several different ways. And i don't know what to do, chances are i will just give up, and ill be alone again. Whats new anyways.
I don't feel like writing too much tonight.
So Goodnight
PS
i bought a new book called "Manifesto" and I'm very very into it.
(happy birthday Andy)
Lately, Ive felt very conflicted in my love life, i have my heart pulling me several different ways. And i don't know what to do, chances are i will just give up, and ill be alone again. Whats new anyways.
I don't feel like writing too much tonight.
So Goodnight
PS
i bought a new book called "Manifesto" and I'm very very into it.
23.4.08
04-23-2008
So. today in between my American Politics Class and my Philosophy class, I found myself sitting on a bench, listening to Mono while the wind blew softly against my face. And i felt deep relaxation. I pulled out a 3X5 note card and i put my pen to it. This is the result of it.
Today was a weird day, i felt so detached, i felt like i was looking at myself in a 3rd person view.
Today was...just another day
"Fluxing apathy and a disgruntled start.
I'm left here with a tired wind....
I lay in this cold stagnate bed....
My heart is what remains of a blossoming garden, withered away by the harsh and barren winter.
My cold vines lay idle.
Countless pedals blow away with the indifferent wind.
Ill wait for the rain to come...and the sun to shine again.
I will wait for the seas9n to change...And life to spring yet again.
But the cold bitter truth is that in fact the world has ceased to turn.
Never to yield eh sights, sounds and smells of a beautiful new Spring."
Today was a weird day, i felt so detached, i felt like i was looking at myself in a 3rd person view.
Today was...just another day
22.4.08
04-22-2008
i allmost forgot how much i missed hardcore
i blinked and kept my eyes close for too long, and when i reopened my eyes, i realized what i loved so much. And that was this angry, emotional hard music.
im still straight edge
and im still a hardcore kid at heart
i cant wait for tour this summer
i cant wait to get on stage again with my new band.
i blinked and kept my eyes close for too long, and when i reopened my eyes, i realized what i loved so much. And that was this angry, emotional hard music.
im still straight edge
and im still a hardcore kid at heart
i cant wait for tour this summer
i cant wait to get on stage again with my new band.
17.4.08
04-17-2008
its odd
lately
when i close my eyes i see brilliant light, but when i open them, i see nothing but darkness
i dont understand why this is happening
i dont know if i want to know...
lately
when i close my eyes i see brilliant light, but when i open them, i see nothing but darkness
i dont understand why this is happening
i dont know if i want to know...
16.4.08
04-16-2008
this weekend was awesome, it consisted of
Pizza Kiln
Beach
Records
Friends
Books
Tattoos (well eventually this week)
and this week, has just been like very other, work, school REPEAT REPEAT, but whatever no big deal.
i wish i was doing a little better in school, but i will try my hardest.
this weekend is a show
here's the flier
that should be an awesome show, last showcase hardcore show, which is a realll bummer. But hanging out with Andy and Crystal at the Kiln before should be amazing. So im stoked about that too.
Arete is coming along good, i think i have alot going on right now, and my schedule is conflicting alot with this band, i will work it out, i have faith. Were recording soon, i cant wait to start playing shows.
Pizza Kiln
Beach
Records
Friends
Books
Tattoos (well eventually this week)
and this week, has just been like very other, work, school REPEAT REPEAT, but whatever no big deal.
i wish i was doing a little better in school, but i will try my hardest.
this weekend is a show
here's the flier
that should be an awesome show, last showcase hardcore show, which is a realll bummer. But hanging out with Andy and Crystal at the Kiln before should be amazing. So im stoked about that too.
Arete is coming along good, i think i have alot going on right now, and my schedule is conflicting alot with this band, i will work it out, i have faith. Were recording soon, i cant wait to start playing shows.
11.4.08
04-11-2008
I miss my friends alot, like alot
but i also miss myself....
today i woke up late for work
my boss wasnt pissed
i didnt feel good all day. that blew
andy came in and visted, that was nice, made my day better.
we talked about the record were doing, touring and showcase. It was a nice conversation.
i biked home, tired/sick as shit.
im waiting for my tattoo artist to call me when hes done with the stencil.
hes taking longer then i expected, but oh well.
these nights are so lonely
i hate it
goodnight
-Chris
but i also miss myself....
today i woke up late for work
my boss wasnt pissed
i didnt feel good all day. that blew
andy came in and visted, that was nice, made my day better.
we talked about the record were doing, touring and showcase. It was a nice conversation.
i biked home, tired/sick as shit.
im waiting for my tattoo artist to call me when hes done with the stencil.
hes taking longer then i expected, but oh well.
these nights are so lonely
i hate it
goodnight
-Chris
7.4.08
04-07-2008
i dont regret the time we spent together
i just wish i didnt feel the feelings i felt
this weekend was a good one, it just made me relize i wish i had someone to share it with.
Please find me a girl i can listen to Joy Divison And Yaphet Kotto with, and not play games with me.
Ill be waiting.
-Chris Musick
i just wish i didnt feel the feelings i felt
this weekend was a good one, it just made me relize i wish i had someone to share it with.
Please find me a girl i can listen to Joy Divison And Yaphet Kotto with, and not play games with me.
Ill be waiting.
-Chris Musick
2.4.08
01-02-2008
Jon from Knife Fight said it best
" day by day, its getting worse
theres too much pressure
you wont be the first
its bulding up
around my every side
theres no place left
left for me to hide
everyday it just gets worse
its boiling over, my heads gunna burst
ive given up, theres nothing left at all
pressures building in my head
theres too much around me
making me see red
i can feel your eyes
staring at my back
theres online time
before i start the attack
Nothing left at all for me"
i hate becoming an Adult
" day by day, its getting worse
theres too much pressure
you wont be the first
its bulding up
around my every side
theres no place left
left for me to hide
everyday it just gets worse
its boiling over, my heads gunna burst
ive given up, theres nothing left at all
pressures building in my head
theres too much around me
making me see red
i can feel your eyes
staring at my back
theres online time
before i start the attack
Nothing left at all for me"
i hate becoming an Adult
30.3.08
3-31-2008
i hate finding a girl, seeing her, hanging out in just a little time period
seeing how well, we COULD mesh together. But its never something you can have. This is something that always happens, and I'm getting used to. id love to talk, id love to touch, but this can never be. Ill always be a wall fly. i
Love is a disease
and i fucking hate the fact i get infected
ill go to my bed alone
with nothing but the constant air blowing
across my face as a companion.
the bitter taste resonates in my mouth
as i close my eyes and feel the cold harshness of a empty space next to me
seeing how well, we COULD mesh together. But its never something you can have. This is something that always happens, and I'm getting used to. id love to talk, id love to touch, but this can never be. Ill always be a wall fly. i
Love is a disease
and i fucking hate the fact i get infected
ill go to my bed alone
with nothing but the constant air blowing
across my face as a companion.
the bitter taste resonates in my mouth
as i close my eyes and feel the cold harshness of a empty space next to me
29.3.08
3-29-2008
I wrote something tonight
don't know what prompted it
but here go here to read
http://chrismusick.blogspot.com/
I can only hope tomorrow will be a better day
-Goodnight
-C.M.
don't know what prompted it
but here go here to read
http://chrismusick.blogspot.com/
I can only hope tomorrow will be a better day
-Goodnight
-C.M.
27.3.08
3-27-2008
life has been very dull of late. I went to work today, worked allmost all the day, went home early, and ate a sammich. Then rode around with Andy for awhile. Riding my bike is the only thing that really seems to get me away anymore, and i think thats kind of sad. Im falling behind in school, which is realyl discouraging. I want to do so well, but i think taking as many classes as i did, its a little over-bearing with my work and social life. So im glad im taking this summer off.
Arete is practicing tomorrow. This project is taking awhile, which i think is a good thing. Nothing good comes easy, and this band is definately proving it. So far ive been challenged with this style of music, not only lyriclly but word placement. Its completely different then what i was used too, fast hard and easy hardcore punk. I jammed with Anthony the other day, that was real nice, were trying like a PV/rock and roll/Grind band. And it went well while it lasted. I have to practice more, until i feel suepr comfortable with my drumming. Im thinking about saving up and putting out my own 7" (of another band ofcourse). I allways figured that if i did this, maybe eventually someone would care enough about my band and maybe throw in some money to make a release of my band happen. I dont know, it kinda seems selfish, but i dont want to put out a record so my band can get put out. I dont know its hard to explain.
My love life is non existant, and at this point i really dont care, apathy is starting to comsume me, and im content at this point knowing that from no one that ill be alone. And that might be a better thing for me.
I want to get away this summer, wether its traveling with some friends, or going on tour with a band, i dont even care, ill find a random band to roadie with, jsut as long as i get away. Whatever though random.
i dont know quite how to end this entry, so bye until the next ackward meeting.
-C.M.
Arete is practicing tomorrow. This project is taking awhile, which i think is a good thing. Nothing good comes easy, and this band is definately proving it. So far ive been challenged with this style of music, not only lyriclly but word placement. Its completely different then what i was used too, fast hard and easy hardcore punk. I jammed with Anthony the other day, that was real nice, were trying like a PV/rock and roll/Grind band. And it went well while it lasted. I have to practice more, until i feel suepr comfortable with my drumming. Im thinking about saving up and putting out my own 7" (of another band ofcourse). I allways figured that if i did this, maybe eventually someone would care enough about my band and maybe throw in some money to make a release of my band happen. I dont know, it kinda seems selfish, but i dont want to put out a record so my band can get put out. I dont know its hard to explain.
My love life is non existant, and at this point i really dont care, apathy is starting to comsume me, and im content at this point knowing that from no one that ill be alone. And that might be a better thing for me.
I want to get away this summer, wether its traveling with some friends, or going on tour with a band, i dont even care, ill find a random band to roadie with, jsut as long as i get away. Whatever though random.
i dont know quite how to end this entry, so bye until the next ackward meeting.
-C.M.
25.3.08
3-26-2008
Fuck This World
Fuck This Hollow Life
I Really Need a Companion Right Now
I Slowly See My Self Worth Dwindling Away
Fuck This Hollow Life
I Really Need a Companion Right Now
I Slowly See My Self Worth Dwindling Away
23.3.08
Vegas
this is the second trip t vegas to get vegan donuts from the fabulous Rons Donuts. Here are pictures from the trip, bascilly, we drove there, got there, ate, walked around the strip (had ts crazy moments), went to our friends Jen's house, then went to buffalo bills to ride the coaster (i didnt ride), then went home. Here are all the pictures, it was amazing just like allways. And a awesome trip.
9.3.08
03-09-2007
new romantic interest
lets see how this goes
school and work are fine
this is my new bike
way stoked on that
i saw a great band last night, check them out, sounds like Yaphet Kotto/City Of Caterpillar Check it out
www.myspace.com/drowningwithoutanchors
lets see how this goes
school and work are fine
this is my new bike
way stoked on that
i saw a great band last night, check them out, sounds like Yaphet Kotto/City Of Caterpillar Check it out
www.myspace.com/drowningwithoutanchors
3.3.08
3-03-08
sorry for the lack of pictures/updates
my lifes been a little hectic lately
bands doing decent
i need to pick up my school work
i am eating well
i miss spending certain times with certain people
the feeling/emotions i had from those times, ive yet to feel again
and its very depressing
ive been very Idle lately and i hate it
im getting more tattoos
something to look forward to i guess
-Chris
my lifes been a little hectic lately
bands doing decent
i need to pick up my school work
i am eating well
i miss spending certain times with certain people
the feeling/emotions i had from those times, ive yet to feel again
and its very depressing
ive been very Idle lately and i hate it
im getting more tattoos
something to look forward to i guess
-Chris
27.2.08
02-27-2008
ive been really restless lately
i dont like it
it feels like i dont have time to wind down
i feel like a grown up, and i knew i would never like it
i would like to kiss someone
to hug someone
to talk to someone when im feeling down
i miss this soo much
the only thing good going for me is my music
my new band is doing well
thank god for something
i dont like it
it feels like i dont have time to wind down
i feel like a grown up, and i knew i would never like it
i would like to kiss someone
to hug someone
to talk to someone when im feeling down
i miss this soo much
the only thing good going for me is my music
my new band is doing well
thank god for something
21.2.08
sometimes
at times it seems like theres nithing to live for, and everything is just shit. That i should fucking give up. sometimes i think ill be better off alone. But i have awesome people to remind me, someone gives a shit.
Its times like these that keep me alive.....
Nick- My challenger, you keep me on my toes, keep me constantly thinking. You are an Amazing person, great views. And you constantly encourage me to make myself a better person. We have many views that are similar, and very that are opposite. But im glad to have you in my life, and as a friend. Cant wait till we live under the same roof.
Anthony- My emotional counter part, and musical for that matter. You are constatnly doing things for me, that you dont need to at all. Helping a friend when a friend is in need. Something as little as a ride somewhere, makes a huge impact on me. I see alot of myself in you, and its a very comforting thing. Thank you for encouraging me to proceed with music, and life in general. And cant wait ti make fun of Lord Of the Rings in the living room.=]
Marc Roe- Though ive not known you for too long, i know your an awesome dude. And the times we are going to share together making music, hanging out....its going to be awesome. Im so glad were friends marc.
Diane- Diane, what can i not say about you. One of the dopest girls ive ever met, you constantly remind me that there are dope as fuck girls out there, but are hard to find. You are one in a million Diane. Amazing personality,loyal friend, i couldnt ask for more. BLEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH =PPPPPPPPPPP
Sarah- Over the years, getting to know each other has been interesting. And after all this time, you still are one of the most unique person ive ever met. Your openess, compassion and drive is amazing. Ive never seen someone with the motivation you have. Through the thick and the thin, your integrity shines through, and its a real comforting feeling. You are another person im gratefull to have im my "life" . Without sounding corny, you will hold a place in my heart, cause i know you cared about me on a different level.
honestly, the best people ive ever met, i couldnt ask for better, when im at my worst they still care. and i still dont understand why. But i love you guys
<3
Its times like these that keep me alive.....
Nick- My challenger, you keep me on my toes, keep me constantly thinking. You are an Amazing person, great views. And you constantly encourage me to make myself a better person. We have many views that are similar, and very that are opposite. But im glad to have you in my life, and as a friend. Cant wait till we live under the same roof.
Anthony- My emotional counter part, and musical for that matter. You are constatnly doing things for me, that you dont need to at all. Helping a friend when a friend is in need. Something as little as a ride somewhere, makes a huge impact on me. I see alot of myself in you, and its a very comforting thing. Thank you for encouraging me to proceed with music, and life in general. And cant wait ti make fun of Lord Of the Rings in the living room.=]
Marc Roe- Though ive not known you for too long, i know your an awesome dude. And the times we are going to share together making music, hanging out....its going to be awesome. Im so glad were friends marc.
Diane- Diane, what can i not say about you. One of the dopest girls ive ever met, you constantly remind me that there are dope as fuck girls out there, but are hard to find. You are one in a million Diane. Amazing personality,loyal friend, i couldnt ask for more. BLEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH =PPPPPPPPPPP
Sarah- Over the years, getting to know each other has been interesting. And after all this time, you still are one of the most unique person ive ever met. Your openess, compassion and drive is amazing. Ive never seen someone with the motivation you have. Through the thick and the thin, your integrity shines through, and its a real comforting feeling. You are another person im gratefull to have im my "life" . Without sounding corny, you will hold a place in my heart, cause i know you cared about me on a different level.
honestly, the best people ive ever met, i couldnt ask for better, when im at my worst they still care. and i still dont understand why. But i love you guys
<3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)