1.9.09
29.8.09
Oxytocin.
I once told myself that this emotion is just a Chemical reaction in my brain.
Nothing more nothing less.
I once thought i would all ways be alone, forever.
I was calling...waiting for the end.
Now, i don't want the world to keep spinning.
I want my mind to fluctuate
And i want my heart to flutter.
19.8.09
8.8.09
28.7.09
1.7.09
24.6.09
06/24/2008
Months an months come and go.
These 4 white walls remain here.
And he never seems to call.
I sweat, i freeze, i see the leaves turn brown.
Remaining optimistic through the toughest of seasons is hard.
But with all this time to think, I will manage to cope.
I guess i can formulate my own advice.
I learned how to tie my own tie.
I have you're smile.
I have you're silver tongue.
And i hate every part of it.
Maybe one of these days, things will be different.
Until then, ill sit here, in silence much like all these years past.
Ill wait
Ill wait
Ill wait.
I don't want to bury you.
6.6.09
06/6/09
I cant say i welcome damnation to anothers life.
I cant say that two wrongs dont make a right.
What i can say, is that nothing about this is right.
I can find no means of jsutification in this instance.
Just a misconception of time and relevance.
Now i know why you're eyes are blinded.
This time spent pondering which way lady justice's arm will swing.
But now, ive come to realize that no matter which side it swing in favor of...
Noone is right.
Justice is not Fair.
Liberty is not Pure.
And words are as hollow as the Gavel you're "judges" swing.
Fuck your system.
5.6.09
06/5/09
4.2.09
Sacrafice
2.2.09
My Future
20.1.09
When Relativity isn't enough...
My inherent sense of time is false, furthermore i know no motive, No reason why i think. I cannot confirm nor deny why i am here. My subdued "conscious" is a dream (or distorted sense of "reality"). My sense conception is only conveyed through vibrational representation, I know or at least "believe" in this reality, that nothing is real. What i write is not real, the sky above me is not real, Therefore the world is painted in a new shade of apathy. So in the end, everything is everything and nothing at the same "time".
12.1.09
Tour recap...
I went into this tour, not knowing what to expect. None the less by the end of this tour, i was happy that i got to spend time with great people. Without going into much detail. we traveled from California,Oregon,Washington,Idaho (FUCK THAT PLACE), Colorado,Denver and Arizona. And i can say it was way fun. Time for change played great. They made enough money for their next tour. Along the way, we made up a mythological person of sorts, called the Chain Man, when we drove in nor cal we were required to get chains, but as we drove by the person who was suppose to be applying them, he was nowhere to be found. And thus the mythical Chain man was born. Every time something went wrong, wed say it was all in the chain mans will, or it was the chain mans fault. Made for a great inside joke. we also met up with my friends band Abandon in Portland, they were great, great live and so fun. There was suppose to be another show with them, but unfortunately the weather didn't help. But it was fun seeing other friends on tour, as well as seeing my other friend Daryl's band Death AD on the same show. We stayed at a beautiful cabin, with some of brians family, and we got to test during those days, which was really needed. It was beautiful. We also made a trip to the grand canyon which was amazing. It was quite nice. The only bad thing i can think of while on this tour, was how miserable snow is, and how much of a hate i have for it now. I could write for hours about this, but they say pictures can express so much more. So Check this out.
1.1.09
mobile blogging
i jsut signed up for mobile blogging.
so while im away at tour i will update this, with pictures and what not from my cell.
Wish me good luck!
29.12.08
a good life
"In this Nov, 5, 2008 file photo, Lelia LaRue, right, shows her father, George Francis, 112, a copy of the morning newspaper with President-elect Barack Obama on the front page, at the Sacramento, Calif. nursing home where Francis lives. Francis, the nation's oldest man who lived through both world wars, man's first walk on the moon and got to vote for the first black president, has died. He was 112."
to see all the ahcnge and amazing and horrible things that his man has seen would be amazing. i dont know why i posted this, but it touched my heart.
20.12.08
19.12.08
12-19-2008
I could have predicted this.
I almost hoped for this.
Another mess i cant get around.
Today was long, gloomy and mundane.
I sat alot, read alot, drank alot.
And i still cant understand why the sun even came up.
Whats more shocking is how dark it is.
I just want to make music again.
I picked my classes for next semester.
Christmas is right around the corner, and i still have no significant other to give my heart to.
Some things are better not given away, rather then savored for ones self.
Perhaps this year will yield some change, but based on the past three hundred and fifty days or so, i doubt the next three hundred and seventy something, will go better.
20.11.08
11-20-2008
Whats allways interested me about America, is the constitution and how it relates to the current times in America. Ive been reading on Thomas Jefferson, and some of the other founding fathers. What interests me, is that they wanted to seperate church and state so fat apart, they wouldnt be relevant (rather the church having effect on government). And i laugh at this now, because everything, that i can see, in the government, is influenced by Religon. Which makes me think, what if these men came back, took a look at the current state of our Country in relation to the documents they wrote, And could honestly say this is what they had in mind. Im sure it isnt. Which dissapoints me in many ways.
Schools kicking my ass, but im doing pretty good. its allready time to register for next semester, so im kind of stressing out about that. I also set a goal for myself, by next semster i will be driving, we will see how that goes.
My music life and love life seem to parallel eachother, nothings going on in either, sweet.
7.11.08
4.11.08
My studying
These are quotes by founding fathers, who faced oppression in england under a tyrannical religious nut job of a monarch. The founding fathers came to America for freedom. The following are quotes of some of Americas best (and earliest) thinkers.
"In no instance have . . . the churches been guardians of the liberties of the people."
"Every new and successful example, therefore, of a perfect separation between the ecclesiastical and civil matters, is of importance; and I have no doubt that every new example will succeed, as every past one has done, in showing that religion and Government will both exist in greater purity the less they are mixed together" Letter to Edward Livingston, July 10, 1822
-James Madison (known as "Father of the Constitution")
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"Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burned, tortured, fined, and imprisoned, yet we have not advanced one inch toward uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one half of the world fools and the other half hypocrites." Notes on Virginia
"Christianity is the most perverted system that ever shone on man."
-Thomas Jefferson [1743-1826] 3rd American president, author, scientist, architect, educator, and diplomat. Deist, avid separationist.
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"The government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion." Treaty of Tripoly, article 11
"The question before the human race is, whether the God of nature shall govern the world by his own laws, or whether priests and kings shall rule it by fictitious miracles." letter to Thomas Jefferson, June 20, 1815
-John Adams [1735-1826] 2d President of the United State
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"The religious persecution of the ages has been done under what was claimed to be the command of God." Rufus K. Noyes, Views of Religion, quoted from James A. Haught, ed., 2000 Years of Disbelief
-Susan B. Anthony [1820-1906] American feminist leader and suffragist.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"In the affairs of the world, men are saved, not by faith, but by the want of it."
"I have found Christian dogma unintelligible. Early in life, I absenteed myself from Christian assemblies."
-Benjamin Franklin [1706-1790] American public official, writer, scientist, and printer who played a major part in the American Revolution.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now please tell me, that this country was found on "christian" moral. when it seems most of the people that designed our government, and the way our constitution is set up spat on the name of Christianity, and all most the basic idea of a god. If any of these men/women came back and saw how the constitution was being "interpreted" and how the country is blindly lead by faith based Bureaucrats. They would probably have never have wrote what they did.
Leave your Religous biased at the door, and vote for SOCIAL equality, and progression.
666
Not only the rejection of god (and there by the disbelief of) but the rejection of modern religions and all its teachings.
/Rant
"In no instance have . . . the churches been guardians of the liberties of the people."
"Every new and successful example, therefore, of a perfect separation between the ecclesiastical and civil matters, is of importance; and I have no doubt that every new example will succeed, as every past one has done, in showing that religion and Government will both exist in greater purity the less they are mixed together" Letter to Edward Livingston, July 10, 1822
-James Madison (known as "Father of the Constitution")
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burned, tortured, fined, and imprisoned, yet we have not advanced one inch toward uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one half of the world fools and the other half hypocrites." Notes on Virginia
"Christianity is the most perverted system that ever shone on man."
-Thomas Jefferson [1743-1826] 3rd American president, author, scientist, architect, educator, and diplomat. Deist, avid separationist.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion." Treaty of Tripoly, article 11
"The question before the human race is, whether the God of nature shall govern the world by his own laws, or whether priests and kings shall rule it by fictitious miracles." letter to Thomas Jefferson, June 20, 1815
-John Adams [1735-1826] 2d President of the United State
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The religious persecution of the ages has been done under what was claimed to be the command of God." Rufus K. Noyes, Views of Religion, quoted from James A. Haught, ed., 2000 Years of Disbelief
-Susan B. Anthony [1820-1906] American feminist leader and suffragist.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"In the affairs of the world, men are saved, not by faith, but by the want of it."
"I have found Christian dogma unintelligible. Early in life, I absenteed myself from Christian assemblies."
-Benjamin Franklin [1706-1790] American public official, writer, scientist, and printer who played a major part in the American Revolution.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now please tell me, that this country was found on "christian" moral. when it seems most of the people that designed our government, and the way our constitution is set up spat on the name of Christianity, and all most the basic idea of a god. If any of these men/women came back and saw how the constitution was being "interpreted" and how the country is blindly lead by faith based Bureaucrats. They would probably have never have wrote what they did.
Leave your Religous biased at the door, and vote for SOCIAL equality, and progression.
666
Not only the rejection of god (and there by the disbelief of) but the rejection of modern religions and all its teachings.
/Rant
4.9.08
09-04-2008
I Eat alone.
I Sleep alone.
I Dream alone.
I think alone.
I turn over in my bed, like a new leaf.
Hot autumn air brushing against my gray face.
I told myself yesterday...
I wouldn't wake up dead today.
But no death is as it seems.
Digging past the warn soil.
I find weathered and torn remnants.
Calling, yearning for an embrace.
The soils so cold.
Not until i feel the earths warm embrace....
Actions seem to have worth.
Words are more than just sounds.
Emotions are not just in the mind.
Tomorrow will be just another day.
Life slips away at every moment, ever step, every breath.
I look up to the gray skies, praying for an end.
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me?
Touch Me.
Love Me.
Because heaven knows, I'll wait.
"Everything is so beautiful from up here..."
I Sleep alone.
I Dream alone.
I think alone.
I turn over in my bed, like a new leaf.
Hot autumn air brushing against my gray face.
I told myself yesterday...
I wouldn't wake up dead today.
But no death is as it seems.
Digging past the warn soil.
I find weathered and torn remnants.
Calling, yearning for an embrace.
The soils so cold.
Not until i feel the earths warm embrace....
Actions seem to have worth.
Words are more than just sounds.
Emotions are not just in the mind.
Tomorrow will be just another day.
Life slips away at every moment, ever step, every breath.
I look up to the gray skies, praying for an end.
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me?
Touch Me.
Love Me.
Because heaven knows, I'll wait.
"Everything is so beautiful from up here..."
15.8.08
4.8.08
06-04-2008
When you have nowhere to go
Nowhere to be
Thats when you realize your most alone.
I Love being alone.
Nowhere to be
Thats when you realize your most alone.
I Love being alone.
2.8.08
Fuck Life
Fuck Working from 9-5
Fuck Working your whole life, and dying while your body breaks down
Fuck Taking lives, and ending yours at the same time
Fuck Social standards of living
Fuck Economical value
Fuck Terminal Boredom
Fuck Living and dying for no reason
We are just spinning through space, no sense of purpose, no sense of worth.
Fuck Life
Fuck Working your whole life, and dying while your body breaks down
Fuck Taking lives, and ending yours at the same time
Fuck Social standards of living
Fuck Economical value
Fuck Terminal Boredom
Fuck Living and dying for no reason
We are just spinning through space, no sense of purpose, no sense of worth.
Fuck Life
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