My Life, Or Something Like It.....

Where do i go from here?

2009-09-01T03:16:00.002-07:00

Oxytocin.

2009-08-29T02:30:00.002-07:00

I once told myself that this emotion is just a Chemical reaction in my brain.

Nothing more nothing less.

I once thought i would all ways be alone, forever.

I was calling...waiting for the end.

Now, i don't want the world to keep spinning.

I want my mind to fluctuate

And i want my heart to flutter.

01010110101010

2009-08-19T14:33:00.000-07:00

It's good to have you back...

2009-08-08T01:50:00.001-07:00

Things could be worse.

A Nod To The Past

2009-07-28T16:58:00.002-07:00

------------------------------------------

2009-07-18T23:50:00.003-07:00

Time Heals Nothing

*******************

2009-07-01T00:55:00.002-07:00

06/24/2008

2009-06-24T22:28:00.002-07:00

Months an months come and go.

These 4 white walls remain here.

And he never seems to call.

I sweat, i freeze, i see the leaves turn brown.

Remaining optimistic through the toughest of seasons is hard.

But with all this time to think, I will manage to cope.

I guess i can formulate my own advice.

I learned how to tie my own tie.

I have you're smile.

I have you're silver tongue.

And i hate every part of it.

Maybe one of these days, things will be different.

Until then, ill sit here, in silence much like all these years past.

Ill wait

Ill wait.

I don't want to bury you.

06/6/09

2009-06-06T01:32:00.003-07:00

I cant say i welcome damnation to anothers life.

I cant say that two wrongs dont make a right.

What i can say, is that nothing about this is right.

I can find no means of jsutification in this instance.

Just a misconception of time and relevance.

Now i know why you're eyes are blinded.

This time spent pondering which way lady justice's arm will swing.

But now, ive come to realize that no matter which side it swing in favor of...

Noone is right.

Justice is not Fair.

Liberty is not Pure.

And words are as hollow as the Gavel you're "judges" swing.

Fuck your system.

06/5/09

2009-06-05T02:35:00.002-07:00

This lonely crawl has my knees and hands dirty

my minds a mess, and my lips are bleeding.

tempt me one more time, leave your quite scent on my bed.

lick my lips one more time.

i taste you're terrible reminder.

over and over

and over

please...

Sacrafice

2009-02-04T22:25:00.003-08:00

So, i had to weed out the records i couldn't part with(first picture), and the ones i could do without (second picture), and the ones that i love..but still need to sacrifice. I still believe this is all for the better. But it was extremely difficult to do this. Its worth it in the long run.

My Future

2009-02-02T00:40:00.002-08:00

So, I'm pretty much selling off half of my collection, taking a loan,. to do something that Ive wanted to do for as long as i can remember. Put out a Punk record. These next few months will be trying for me. Lets see if i have my head above water in 6 months. Wish me luck

When Relativity isn't enough...

2009-01-20T00:53:00.001-08:00

My inherent sense of time is false, furthermore i know no motive, No reason why i think. I cannot confirm nor deny why i am here. My subdued "conscious" is a dream (or distorted sense of "reality"). My sense conception is only conveyed through vibrational representation, I know or at least "believe" in this reality, that nothing is real. What i write is not real, the sky above me is not real, Therefore the world is painted in a new shade of apathy. So in the end, everything is everything and nothing at the same "time".

Tour recap...

2009-01-12T17:54:00.003-08:00

I went into this tour, not knowing what to expect. None the less by the end of this tour, i was happy that i got to spend time with great people. Without going into much detail. we traveled from California,Oregon,Washington,Idaho (FUCK THAT PLACE), Colorado,Denver and Arizona. And i can say it was way fun. Time for change played great. They made enough money for their next tour. Along the way, we made up a mythological person of sorts, called the Chain Man, when we drove in nor cal we were required to get chains, but as we drove by the person who was suppose to be applying them, he was nowhere to be found. And thus the mythical Chain man was born. Every time something went wrong, wed say it was all in the chain mans will, or it was the chain mans fault. Made for a great inside joke. we also met up with my friends band Abandon in Portland, they were great, great live and so fun. There was suppose to be another show with them, but unfortunately the weather didn't help. But it was fun seeing other friends on tour, as well as seeing my other friend Daryl's band Death AD on the same show. We stayed at a beautiful cabin, with some of brians family, and we got to test during those days, which was really needed. It was beautiful. We also made a trip to the grand canyon which was amazing. It was quite nice. The only bad thing i can think of while on this tour, was how miserable snow is, and how much of a hate i have for it now. I could write for hours about this, but they say pictures can express so much more. So Check this out.

mobile blogging

2009-01-01T23:28:00.001-08:00

i jsut signed up for mobile blogging.

so while im away at tour i will update this, with pictures and what not from my cell.

Wish me good luck!

a good life

2008-12-29T22:20:00.003-08:00

"In this Nov, 5, 2008 file photo, Lelia LaRue, right, shows her father, George Francis, 112, a copy of the morning newspaper with President-elect Barack Obama on the front page, at the Sacramento, Calif. nursing home where Francis lives. Francis, the nation's oldest man who lived through both world wars, man's first walk on the moon and got to vote for the first black president, has died. He was 112."

to see all the ahcnge and amazing and horrible things that his man has seen would be amazing. i dont know why i posted this, but it touched my heart.

-

2008-12-20T03:22:00.000-08:00

12-19-2008

2008-12-19T02:06:00.003-08:00

I could have predicted this.

I almost hoped for this.

Another mess i cant get around.

Today was long, gloomy and mundane.

I sat alot, read alot, drank alot.

And i still cant understand why the sun even came up.

Whats more shocking is how dark it is.

I just want to make music again.

I picked my classes for next semester.

Christmas is right around the corner, and i still have no significant other to give my heart to.

Some things are better not given away, rather then savored for ones self.

Perhaps this year will yield some change, but based on the past three hundred and fifty days or so, i doubt the next three hundred and seventy something, will go better.

11-20-2008

2008-11-20T14:40:00.003-08:00

Whats allways interested me about America, is the constitution and how it relates to the current times in America. Ive been reading on Thomas Jefferson, and some of the other founding fathers. What interests me, is that they wanted to seperate church and state so fat apart, they wouldnt be relevant (rather the church having effect on government). And i laugh at this now, because everything, that i can see, in the government, is influenced by Religon. Which makes me think, what if these men came back, took a look at the current state of our Country in relation to the documents they wrote, And could honestly say this is what they had in mind. Im sure it isnt. Which dissapoints me in many ways.

Schools kicking my ass, but im doing pretty good. its allready time to register for next semester, so im kind of stressing out about that. I also set a goal for myself, by next semster i will be driving, we will see how that goes.

My music life and love life seem to parallel eachother, nothings going on in either, sweet.

This goes out to the true Straight Edge

2008-11-07T03:08:00.001-08:00

XXX

...This time you pushed me too far...

My studying

2008-11-04T17:19:00.001-08:00

These are quotes by founding fathers, who faced oppression in england under a tyrannical religious nut job of a monarch. The founding fathers came to America for freedom. The following are quotes of some of Americas best (and earliest) thinkers.

"In no instance have . . . the churches been guardians of the liberties of the people."

"Every new and successful example, therefore, of a perfect separation between the ecclesiastical and civil matters, is of importance; and I have no doubt that every new example will succeed, as every past one has done, in showing that religion and Government will both exist in greater purity the less they are mixed together" Letter to Edward Livingston, July 10, 1822

-James Madison (known as "Father of the Constitution")

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burned, tortured, fined, and imprisoned, yet we have not advanced one inch toward uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one half of the world fools and the other half hypocrites." Notes on Virginia

"Christianity is the most perverted system that ever shone on man."

-Thomas Jefferson [1743-1826] 3rd American president, author, scientist, architect, educator, and diplomat. Deist, avid separationist.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion." Treaty of Tripoly, article 11

"The question before the human race is, whether the God of nature shall govern the world by his own laws, or whether priests and kings shall rule it by fictitious miracles." letter to Thomas Jefferson, June 20, 1815

-John Adams [1735-1826] 2d President of the United State

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The religious persecution of the ages has been done under what was claimed to be the command of God." Rufus K. Noyes, Views of Religion, quoted from James A. Haught, ed., 2000 Years of Disbelief

-Susan B. Anthony [1820-1906] American feminist leader and suffragist.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"In the affairs of the world, men are saved, not by faith, but by the want of it."

"I have found Christian dogma unintelligible. Early in life, I absenteed myself from Christian assemblies."

-Benjamin Franklin [1706-1790] American public official, writer, scientist, and printer who played a major part in the American Revolution.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now please tell me, that this country was found on "christian" moral. when it seems most of the people that designed our government, and the way our constitution is set up spat on the name of Christianity, and all most the basic idea of a god. If any of these men/women came back and saw how the constitution was being "interpreted" and how the country is blindly lead by faith based Bureaucrats. They would probably have never have wrote what they did.

Leave your Religous biased at the door, and vote for SOCIAL equality, and progression.

666
Not only the rejection of god (and there by the disbelief of) but the rejection of modern religions and all its teachings.

/Rant

09-04-2008

2008-09-04T00:47:00.001-07:00

I Eat alone.
I Sleep alone.
I Dream alone.
I think alone.

I turn over in my bed, like a new leaf.
Hot autumn air brushing against my gray face.

I told myself yesterday...
I wouldn't wake up dead today.
But no death is as it seems.

Digging past the warn soil.
I find weathered and torn remnants.
Calling, yearning for an embrace.

The soils so cold.
Not until i feel the earths warm embrace....
Actions seem to have worth.
Words are more than just sounds.
Emotions are not just in the mind.

Tomorrow will be just another day.
Life slips away at every moment, ever step, every breath.
I look up to the gray skies, praying for an end.

Can you hear me?
Can you feel me?
Touch Me.
Love Me.

Because heaven knows, I'll wait.

"Everything is so beautiful from up here..."

_

2008-08-15T21:37:00.000-07:00

id love to talk to you right now.
chances are you are busy.
so ill sit and wait.

06-04-2008

2008-08-04T23:51:00.001-07:00

When you have nowhere to go
Nowhere to be
Thats when you realize your most alone.

I Love being alone.

Fuck Life

2008-08-02T02:16:00.002-07:00

Fuck Working from 9-5
Fuck Working your whole life, and dying while your body breaks down
Fuck Taking lives, and ending yours at the same time
Fuck Social standards of living
Fuck Economical value
Fuck Terminal Boredom
Fuck Living and dying for no reason

We are just spinning through space, no sense of purpose, no sense of worth.

Fuck Life

07-02-2008

2008-07-02T02:50:00.002-07:00

I cant help but think I'm going to get fucked over again. But who knows, i guess you never know until you give it a chance.

Other then that, I'm going on tour in less then a month, and I'm stoked, Arete progress is slow but worth it. I quit my job, it felt as if it was time to move on, without getting too far into it, that's just what needed to happen. I miss it all ready, and miss the store so much. But i need to focus on my future.

Ive felt sort of disconnected with most of the people around me, it seems as though I've gone into a somewhat recluse state yet again, but this time for no apparent reason. Oh well, I'll snap out of it.

06-07-2008

2008-06-07T03:55:00.001-07:00

if god created man in his image,
I feel bad for "god", because thus far in my life, I've come to the conclusion, humans are among the most worthless piles of shit wandering this earth.

06-1-2008

2008-06-01T16:44:00.002-07:00

"Seasons past.
This isn't the last.
Four white walls
And no one calls"

In less then a month ill be 20, very very scary.
this weekend has been great, lots of music, I'm seeing Tragedy tonight.
Arete is going great, i need to write more though.

05-21-2008

2008-05-21T02:04:00.002-07:00

Writing for Arete has been extremely hard for me, both musically and emotionally. I have never sang to this style before, so i find myself going over the song, over and over to make sure i have t right. And writing, with as much emotion as i want to, is hard as well, i don't like thinking about the past, but i guess it puts me in the state i need to be in.

I'm thinking less of life, as i learn more about how "emotions" are just chemical reactions in the brain, it makes everything seem like it has less worth.

These next few months should be interesting.

05-15-2008

2008-05-15T02:38:00.001-07:00

------work in progress----
this is what i have of the story so far. this will take me a few more nights to complete.

" As time slipped on, I wondered what was beyond this great void, of timeless and effortless existence. What made everything worth while. While the moon changed its many faces, why the currents of the ocean swayed. Countless hours, many tears and some ounces of blood being spilled, over these seemingly pathetic ideas or troubles rather.

As my mind drew closer to personal turmoil. I was reminded of a story my grandfather once told me. My grandfather Icarus, was a very stubborn, timeless and weary man. He had a overwhelming addiction to Ether, which plagued his now crippled and broken down frame. We were sitting in his old living room, when he randomly burst out into what at first I thought was incoherent rambling. But as I listened on, everything fell in place and his words seemed to flow effortless from his desert cracked lips. “Once, in a forest in a desolate area of Siberia, a man traveled, wondering through the green haze...in search of answers that lay beyond the wisdom of the wise old oaks that tower over his skull, or the brown, gritty soil beneath his weathered soles. This man, named Freud, wandered aimlessly through many villages and small towns, asking the town elder, various questions that as far as the “elders” were concerned were not poignant nor relevant to anything or anyone. But yet on, he pressed, asking questions, prodding...poking at every corner of their minds, every dark shadow in soul, every pagan thought. He asked, he urged he continued....”

I sit in the kitchen, looking at a half eaten bowl of cherrios. Looking at my milk soaked spoon, reflect the plum tree outside. And I had thought about my grandfather has said yesterday. Trying to dissect what he had said. Trying to find some kind of meaning in the incoherent sentences he spewed out. I still cant understand what this old man was talking about, was he even making sense? Maybe it’s the old age, maybe it’s the schizophrenia. Maybe it’s the Ether. It could be a lot of things. It was a cold night so far, I can hear the crickets play their harsh tunes, I hear te opossums scampering back and fourth. Tonight was just another night....yet my grandfathers words still resonate within my thoughts.

I wake up to what sounds like shuffling around the house. I hear what sounds like moaning, but I come to realize its my grandfather rambling. I cannot quite make out what he is really rambling about. I thought nothing of it, until I heard the name again. “Icaraus....”.
I hurry over to my grandfather, and ask him what he was talking about. He looks at me, with a very calm demeanor, tells me to take a seat. I sit, te couch is old, I can feel the springs on my buttocks, and the couch wreaks of old cigarette smoke. My grandfather takes one look at me, breathes what looks like a very painful and punishing breath. And says to me, “you are a smart child Thomas, but I still don’t think you have what it is....in your mind...to quite understand what im saying...”. I glare on, with a puzzled yet intrigued look on my face. "

05-14-2008

2008-05-14T23:02:00.002-07:00

I've started to write my own short story. It will take me a few days. Once its done, it will be my next post. So yeah.

05-12-2008

2008-05-12T20:27:00.002-07:00

"God Is Dead"

05-10-2008

2008-05-10T02:33:00.002-07:00

So, today I'm riding in the car, and i ask him a simple question. "Anthony, what if there was no floor or ground for that matter?" with this he replied with a statement basically amounting to.."why the fuck would i need to think about something like that?".
And it got me thinking even more, i put so much brain power into simple questions like these, and i eventually give myself a headache. I think looking through my eyes of the world, everything falls apart. And i really cannot comprehend anything.

Asking all these philosophical questions..As Anthony pointed out, will eventually drive me crazy. And i can kind of see it happening all ready. Sometimes ill be sitting at school, staring at a tree, or a blade of grass, wondering what constitutes its purpose, what use we have for it, what makes it a tree...All answers are relative, seeing as how we look at certain distinctions of a object (or idea for that matter) and slap a word on it. Ideas like this fascinate me, and drive me fucking insane every time i think about it.

In all honesty, id hate to be a man remembered for the things he thought, let alone we well known for it. This terrifies me, as does the whole world around me.

Anyways to get this rant out of the way, i wish there was no floor, i wish there was no love, i wish there was no such thing as a wish, and i wish matter would breakdown, so everything can make sense.

Death to Distinction.

05-06-2008

2008-05-06T03:17:00.002-07:00

This last weekend, was great, hung out with some awesome friends. Ate awesome food, listed to great music.
(happy birthday Andy)

Lately, Ive felt very conflicted in my love life, i have my heart pulling me several different ways. And i don't know what to do, chances are i will just give up, and ill be alone again. Whats new anyways.

I don't feel like writing too much tonight.
So Goodnight

PS
i bought a new book called "Manifesto" and I'm very very into it.

04-23-2008

2008-04-23T19:20:00.002-07:00

So. today in between my American Politics Class and my Philosophy class, I found myself sitting on a bench, listening to Mono while the wind blew softly against my face. And i felt deep relaxation. I pulled out a 3X5 note card and i put my pen to it. This is the result of it.

"Fluxing apathy and a disgruntled start.
I'm left here with a tired wind....
I lay in this cold stagnate bed....
My heart is what remains of a blossoming garden, withered away by the harsh and barren winter.
My cold vines lay idle.
Countless pedals blow away with the indifferent wind.
Ill wait for the rain to come...and the sun to shine again.
I will wait for the seas9n to change...And life to spring yet again.
But the cold bitter truth is that in fact the world has ceased to turn.
Never to yield eh sights, sounds and smells of a beautiful new Spring."

Today was a weird day, i felt so detached, i felt like i was looking at myself in a 3rd person view.
Today was...just another day

04-22-2008

2008-04-22T00:15:00.002-07:00

i allmost forgot how much i missed hardcore
i blinked and kept my eyes close for too long, and when i reopened my eyes, i realized what i loved so much. And that was this angry, emotional hard music.
im still straight edge
and im still a hardcore kid at heart

i cant wait for tour this summer
i cant wait to get on stage again with my new band.

04-17-2008

2008-04-17T22:58:00.002-07:00

its odd
lately
when i close my eyes i see brilliant light, but when i open them, i see nothing but darkness

i dont understand why this is happening
i dont know if i want to know...

04-16-2008

2008-04-16T00:50:00.002-07:00

this weekend was awesome, it consisted of
Pizza Kiln
Beach
Records
Friends
Books
Tattoos (well eventually this week)

and this week, has just been like very other, work, school REPEAT REPEAT, but whatever no big deal.
i wish i was doing a little better in school, but i will try my hardest.
this weekend is a show
here's the flier

that should be an awesome show, last showcase hardcore show, which is a realll bummer. But hanging out with Andy and Crystal at the Kiln before should be amazing. So im stoked about that too.

Arete is coming along good, i think i have alot going on right now, and my schedule is conflicting alot with this band, i will work it out, i have faith. Were recording soon, i cant wait to start playing shows.

04-11-2008

2008-04-11T02:25:00.003-07:00

I miss my friends alot, like alot
but i also miss myself....

today i woke up late for work
my boss wasnt pissed
i didnt feel good all day. that blew
andy came in and visted, that was nice, made my day better.
we talked about the record were doing, touring and showcase. It was a nice conversation.

i biked home, tired/sick as shit.
im waiting for my tattoo artist to call me when hes done with the stencil.
hes taking longer then i expected, but oh well.

these nights are so lonely
i hate it

goodnight
-Chris

04-07-2008

2008-04-07T02:00:00.002-07:00

i dont regret the time we spent together
i just wish i didnt feel the feelings i felt

this weekend was a good one, it just made me relize i wish i had someone to share it with.

Please find me a girl i can listen to Joy Divison And Yaphet Kotto with, and not play games with me.
Ill be waiting.

-Chris Musick

01-02-2008

2008-04-02T22:21:00.002-08:00

Jon from Knife Fight said it best

" day by day, its getting worse
theres too much pressure
you wont be the first
its bulding up
around my every side
theres no place left
left for me to hide
everyday it just gets worse
its boiling over, my heads gunna burst
ive given up, theres nothing left at all

pressures building in my head
theres too much around me
making me see red
i can feel your eyes
staring at my back
theres online time
before i start the attack

Nothing left at all for me"

i hate becoming an Adult

3-31-2008

2008-03-30T23:00:00.002-08:00

i hate finding a girl, seeing her, hanging out in just a little time period
seeing how well, we COULD mesh together. But its never something you can have. This is something that always happens, and I'm getting used to. id love to talk, id love to touch, but this can never be. Ill always be a wall fly. i

Love is a disease
and i fucking hate the fact i get infected

ill go to my bed alone
with nothing but the constant air blowing
across my face as a companion.
the bitter taste resonates in my mouth
as i close my eyes and feel the cold harshness of a empty space next to me

3-29-2008

2008-03-29T01:33:00.002-08:00

I wrote something tonight
don't know what prompted it
but here go here to read

http://chrismusick.blogspot.com/

I can only hope tomorrow will be a better day
-Goodnight
-C.M.

3-27-2008

2008-03-27T21:45:00.002-08:00

life has been very dull of late. I went to work today, worked allmost all the day, went home early, and ate a sammich. Then rode around with Andy for awhile. Riding my bike is the only thing that really seems to get me away anymore, and i think thats kind of sad. Im falling behind in school, which is realyl discouraging. I want to do so well, but i think taking as many classes as i did, its a little over-bearing with my work and social life. So im glad im taking this summer off.

Arete is practicing tomorrow. This project is taking awhile, which i think is a good thing. Nothing good comes easy, and this band is definately proving it. So far ive been challenged with this style of music, not only lyriclly but word placement. Its completely different then what i was used too, fast hard and easy hardcore punk. I jammed with Anthony the other day, that was real nice, were trying like a PV/rock and roll/Grind band. And it went well while it lasted. I have to practice more, until i feel suepr comfortable with my drumming. Im thinking about saving up and putting out my own 7" (of another band ofcourse). I allways figured that if i did this, maybe eventually someone would care enough about my band and maybe throw in some money to make a release of my band happen. I dont know, it kinda seems selfish, but i dont want to put out a record so my band can get put out. I dont know its hard to explain.

My love life is non existant, and at this point i really dont care, apathy is starting to comsume me, and im content at this point knowing that from no one that ill be alone. And that might be a better thing for me.

I want to get away this summer, wether its traveling with some friends, or going on tour with a band, i dont even care, ill find a random band to roadie with, jsut as long as i get away. Whatever though random.

i dont know quite how to end this entry, so bye until the next ackward meeting.
-C.M.

3-26-2008

2008-03-25T23:01:00.001-08:00

Fuck This World
Fuck This Hollow Life

I Really Need a Companion Right Now
I Slowly See My Self Worth Dwindling Away

Vegas

2008-03-23T15:13:00.002-08:00

this is the second trip t vegas to get vegan donuts from the fabulous Rons Donuts. Here are pictures from the trip, bascilly, we drove there, got there, ate, walked around the strip (had ts crazy moments), went to our friends Jen's house, then went to buffalo bills to ride the coaster (i didnt ride), then went home. Here are all the pictures, it was amazing just like allways. And a awesome trip.

03-09-2007

2008-03-09T20:23:00.003-08:00

new romantic interest
lets see how this goes
school and work are fine

this is my new bike

way stoked on that

i saw a great band last night, check them out, sounds like Yaphet Kotto/City Of Caterpillar Check it out

www.myspace.com/drowningwithoutanchors

3-03-08

2008-03-03T18:51:00.002-08:00

sorry for the lack of pictures/updates
my lifes been a little hectic lately

bands doing decent
i need to pick up my school work
i am eating well

i miss spending certain times with certain people
the feeling/emotions i had from those times, ive yet to feel again
and its very depressing

ive been very Idle lately and i hate it

im getting more tattoos
something to look forward to i guess

-Chris

02-27-2008

2008-02-27T23:31:00.002-08:00

ive been really restless lately
i dont like it
it feels like i dont have time to wind down
i feel like a grown up, and i knew i would never like it

i would like to kiss someone
to hug someone
to talk to someone when im feeling down
i miss this soo much

the only thing good going for me is my music
my new band is doing well
thank god for something

sometimes

2008-02-21T01:27:00.003-08:00

at times it seems like theres nithing to live for, and everything is just shit. That i should fucking give up. sometimes i think ill be better off alone. But i have awesome people to remind me, someone gives a shit.
Its times like these that keep me alive.....

Nick- My challenger, you keep me on my toes, keep me constantly thinking. You are an Amazing person, great views. And you constantly encourage me to make myself a better person. We have many views that are similar, and very that are opposite. But im glad to have you in my life, and as a friend. Cant wait till we live under the same roof.

Anthony- My emotional counter part, and musical for that matter. You are constatnly doing things for me, that you dont need to at all. Helping a friend when a friend is in need. Something as little as a ride somewhere, makes a huge impact on me. I see alot of myself in you, and its a very comforting thing. Thank you for encouraging me to proceed with music, and life in general. And cant wait ti make fun of Lord Of the Rings in the living room.=]

Marc Roe- Though ive not known you for too long, i know your an awesome dude. And the times we are going to share together making music, hanging out....its going to be awesome. Im so glad were friends marc.

Diane- Diane, what can i not say about you. One of the dopest girls ive ever met, you constantly remind me that there are dope as fuck girls out there, but are hard to find. You are one in a million Diane. Amazing personality,loyal friend, i couldnt ask for more. BLEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH =PPPPPPPPPPP

Sarah- Over the years, getting to know each other has been interesting. And after all this time, you still are one of the most unique person ive ever met. Your openess, compassion and drive is amazing. Ive never seen someone with the motivation you have. Through the thick and the thin, your integrity shines through, and its a real comforting feeling. You are another person im gratefull to have im my "life" . Without sounding corny, you will hold a place in my heart, cause i know you cared about me on a different level.

honestly, the best people ive ever met, i couldnt ask for better, when im at my worst they still care. and i still dont understand why. But i love you guys

<3

02-15-2008

2008-02-15T23:51:00.002-08:00

So today kinda started off shitty, I was suppose to go build some houses for Habitat For Humanity. But when Anfernee called me to wake up and go, my phone was face down (no clue why) and under my pillow. He called and i couldnt hear so it sucked.

So after i walk downstairs, after i wake up, my brother asks when im gunna get a tattoo by him. So i say wtf why not today. So i invite andy to come get one too. So we both head down to andys mom work, at H7R block to pick up her car, because andy doesnt have one at the moment. So we get there and leave

So we get to my brother house, and theres a friendly rott there named Chomper, and Andy pets him

then Andy gets his stencil

but had to leave, because he had to go to work, so heres what he got done

Eventually, Anfernee came to hang out, and brougt me food, which was dope, cause i didnt eat all day. So after a while my brother starts working on my stencil

And i shave my leg lawl, i didnt realize iw as so hairy =/

Here are some pictures of him tattooing me

For some reason, this was one of the worst tattoos (pain wise) ive had, because he didnt use a shading needle, but i hybrid type of needle, and it really really stung, so i can only sit through an hour and a half of it, another sitting soon enough though. Heres the finished product

After we left, me and anfernee went to Bakers and it was amazing, 2 veggie tacos, fries and a sody pop

then to AM/PM got some snacks, vitamin water, soda, candy, waste of money basiclly

it was a dope day, wish i would have went to H4H, but my fault completely. Oh well next time. I found out i have work tomorrow, kinda sucks, because i was looking forward to having 2 days off in a row, but my boss called me so whatever. I got my new bike wheels in

im really stoked on my bike, im basiclly rebuilding it from the ground up, so its gunna be a real personialized type thing. So im stoked

This is the band i got tattood on me, this is their last show. One of my favorites for sure

Goodnight

02-13-2008

2008-02-13T21:49:00.002-08:00

It sucks you would rather write about anarchist blogs rather than hanging out with friends that care about you, whatever im done

I might want to be a Philosophy Major, thats the way im leaning, much like my way Socrates

I Got My Seven Generations shirt in the mail today, im stoked

Im going to start a Animal Rights/Eco Friendly Group @ My College, with my friends Nick and Anthony. www.veganthis.org will def play a part in it

Ive been drinking this alot today

School was long today, not sure how i did on my phil test, but i think i did good. I got to study more and stop being lazy, cause i actually care about it, so ill get my ass in gear.

Also a love life would be nice right about now. Watch this

New Poem By Me
Go Here : http://chrismusick.blogspot.com/

02-08-2008

2008-02-09T03:10:00.000-08:00

So today, initially had not much of a plan, all i knew was there was a show going on tonight. It was very interesting, because it was Celestial Indifference (Mike G doing noise), Narwhal Party (kyle who i played in abnd with), Duhkha (all guys ive known for years playing amazing music), and Restrained, my favorite local band, that lpays my two favorite styles of punk , hardcore and crust. But this show didnt start till about 6 or 7 (there was no tiem on the flier so we kind had to guess).

So im awaken to my awesome ring tone (neil perry song) and its Anthony asking if im ready. Me being half awake reply with a gurggly (huh?) and he says basiclly get up and get ready, were going to hang out and get some food, so i wake up, tired and groggy as shit (pictured below)

so after i wait a good 20 minutes, not knowing anthony was waiting a while for me (i thought he was coming over quickly to get me). i call him and tell him to go pick my ass up. So he comes and gets my broke ass, and me him and Nicholas go to henrys. Where i picked up some choice snacks, and Odewalla bar, 2 Vitamin Water XXX and Some tofurky Jerky (pictured below).

after i get delcious treatz. So o nthe way to anthonys house, nicks truck was having trouble, at the time i guess we thought it was coolent for his engine, so we stop here to get some for his truck.

Then we head over to Anthonys house, where him and Tayloer are having Killing Locke practice (think of Ekkaia meetsFrom Ashes Rise/Remains Of the Day With D-beat).
From what i was hearing i really liked, i like pretty much any melodic crust core that anyone plays, and when its my friends, i like it even more. check them out here http://www.myspace.com/killinglocke .

While they are praacticing, we try jumping nicks truck (picture 1 below) to anthonys truck, eventuially finding out that his battery is dead (or maybe something worse. So nick had to eventually leave his c ar, And call his knigh in shineng armor Diane to come and get him. While she is on her way me and nick confirm we look like relatives (since nick shaved his head, and we accidently bought the same shoes, alot of people say we look alike) so heres a picture of me and him (picture 2)

So after nick leaves, me and tayler and anthony go inside, chill out and get directiosn to the show. WE get those and leave and go pick up Marc Rowe. After we pick him up we are on our way.

So before we head to the show, We go to a Vegan mexican food resteraunt, that is in the same town as the show is. Its called Chicos (pictured below). We get there order our food, i got the raco played which consisted of 2 chicken tacos, 1 carne taco and rice and beans (second picture below). The meal was awesome, and the people who run the resteraunt couldnt be more nice.

after being lost, and me losing my temper a few times, we finally find the venue, park (pictured below)and hang out. the funny thing about this show was, it was mesh between alot of my friends, friends who ive known for years in rancho, that ive grown up in school with since iwas 14, and people ive met through the hardcore scene through playing with my old band. So it was real nice seing people mesh and intertwine.

So after my friend Mike perfoms, Narwhla Party goes on. They get better and better everytime i see them. Heres a picture i snapped of them

So after their set, Duhkha went on, these guys, stil lget better with time, wether they are playing their experimental ambient stuff or their mettalic/experimental hardcore stuff, its allways an experience to watch them play and grow. Amazing set by some of my good friends. Heres a picture i took of them.

After Duhkha, was REstrained. My favorite local band, and a band over the years ive seen progress and change into something very their own. I cant help but get into and scream my head off everytime i see these guys, i wasnt able to snap a picture, but ill post a link at the end of this post so you can check out restrained and all the bands that played. Oh and during random parts of the sets, random crack/speed heads would come in make a ruckus then abruptly leave, it was to say the least entertaining. So after the show ended, everyone bullshitted, and we all ended up at yet ANOTHER mexican food establishment. This place, ive heard much about and i msut say it lived up to the hype. I got a rice and bean burrito, and i have to say its one of the best ive EVER had (pictured below).

After a great night of hanging out, making bad jokes, talking about old times and old friends. It was real nice seeing some people i havent in a while.

I also got together another band, its going to be Ambient doom metal, with some fast punk parts, think envy with some mid tempo punk beats and you have a ballpark guess of where were going with this. So far its me, Anthony, Marc Rowe, Jason (who played drums in my old band) and Bill Davies, who plays in Duhkha. Im excited for this, but im not holding my breath for any thats for sure. Below are links to all the bands that played tonight. Check em all out, all different and all very talented. Andy from Time For Change/GKR asked me to be merch guy for them, on their up coming tour of the south, in August i guess, adnd i gladly accepted. Ive wanted to go on a tour for a while, so im glad he chose me.

http://www.myspace.com/restrainedhc
http://www.myspace.com/duhkhamusic
http://www.myspace.com/narwhalparty666
http://www.myspace.com/celestialindifference

02-07-2008

2008-02-07T20:27:00.000-08:00

Today was an interesting day, because last week, i showed up to work late two times in a row. Which i belive really pissed off my boss, he told me "to never let it happen again". So i wanted to make sure to watch my P's and Q's. So after a long day of school on Monday. I wake up super late on tuesday (one of the days i work. I Woke up at 12:30, and my usual time is 12:00 that i have to be in there, so i call franticlly, and tell my co worker, i woke up late and that i would be in as soon as i could be. But after about 45 mins of not being able to find a ride or anytthing, I get a call from my boss, who was pretty angry. He has just reason i believe, but he calls, and basiclly tells me that he thinks its real dissrespectfull not to be resonsiable and call in earlier to say i wasnt coming in on time. Because i am a "vital" part of that store and they depend on me. So he basiclly threatens me, using anopther co-worker (who is about to get fired) as a reference, and it really scared me.

So today i woke up extra early to try to find a ride, my mother told me my brother would be taking me today, but I know hes not reliable plus him and my sister just got back from Mardi Gras last night, so i expected him to be hungover/tired. So luckily after some frantic texting/calling andy was able to take me to work. Im pretty sure if i showed up late today i would not be working there any longer. So I go with andy to run a few errands, he goes to Verizon to get his phone reactivated, because his charging port on hsi phone broke again (i had this same proble, its a hassle and NOT fun). But all that aside we got in and out of there pretty fast, then we went across the street to Kinkos to mail the other phone back, i guess if you dont, they amek you pay for the phone, interesting to say the least. So after that he takes me to work, i get there 10 minutes early, which i think was good.

Work was actually pretty chill, i got alot done, even though there werent many customers, it was a productive day. i tried to get as much as i could to show Bill (my boss) that i really do appreciate this job, and that i really care about it. So for hose of you who dont know what my store looks like, this is the area where i work.

I Was lucky today, cause everyone felt liek Veggie Era, Which is areally good (yet expensive) Vegan Chinese Food place located in Upladn California.
Check them out here http://www.veggie-era.com/
I got lemon grass chicken (personal favorite) and chickenless fried rice.
After we ate, it was back to wrapping (term we use for packaging really).
This is about a full days work for me

So after a very productive day, yet very low customers, we close up. I buy some stuff (when do i leave the store without buying anything?). I got the new Hit Me Back ep 12" and the pg.99/Waifle Split CD. Both great buys by the way. So after i get all that squared away, me and my boss head home (he lives two steets down,s o he gives me rides somtimes). This is the view on the way home, he has a 60's something Falcon convertable, its a beautifull car, so this is the view on the way home on the street.

So i get home, throw my clothes off, get comfortable and make some rice. It was a nice day, pretty relaxing for being at work actually. Sitting at home and listening to neil perry is quite nice. So i cant complain.

PS neil perry is a band ive really gotten into in the past few weeks they are awesome, check out this video of them.

-Chris Musick

lately

2008-02-07T00:10:00.000-08:00

a friend started writing in this, and it inspired me to write here again, not just my writing blog, but personal everyday life type thing. So lets review what the past few months have brought me

-heartbroken (again)
-Celibacy
-Going to college
-Becoming Recluse
-On Caffiene Again (getting off soon)
-Moving out with anfrenee and another good friend soon
-Vegas trips for donuts
-Feeding Frenzy breaking up
-Screamo band and fast punk/garage punk bands starting
-Growing apart from some friends
-Depression/Insomnia

i will update this every 2 to 3 days with random pictures and things that go on
so bookmark, look for my bulletins or whatever
and if you want to see some of my writings go here.

http://chrismusick.blogspot.com/

Writing Alot Lately

2007-06-30T03:50:00.000-07:00

So Ive had alot more time to myself and staying up late. so Ive been writing songs or poems or whatever lately
and tonight i wrote two, one is more focused on my personal life, because i believe hardcore is emotional and you should talk about these things in your songs, rather than wanting to change something or the normal mumbo jumbo, don't get me wrong i still write songs like that, but i prefer doing these types

this first one, is a little rough, its about the current administration/capitalism in America, and who stupid it is, how i see people working so hard, just to scrape by with the bare minimums, to see my fellow man, the Hispanics, the blacks, the whites,the Asians being oppressed by capitalism and the shock waves of Darwin. so here it is....

"Blind Plutocracy"

" Tide Of Change
Force Of Thought
Mass Indoctrination
Total Manipulation

Lead By The Rich
Worked By The Poor
Poverty Is Accepted

Illuminati In Control
The Workers In Despair

How Long Will We Live In Fear?
When We Posses The Power
When Will Learn?
What Will It Take?
How Do You Want To Remembered
Lead On Your Knees
Or Being Slaughtered Trying To Change Injustices"

This next one also very rough, is about my father, and through help with a friend, i realized that i should change how I'm treating him. without going to far in depth (chances aer i will elaborate on my father later in this blog) my father was addicted to drugs, and in the short run, chose them over me, and Ive held it against him for a while, but now hes trying to be back in my life, and i question whether i should give a shit, i hold such animosity towards him. so i finally decided that i should probably forgive and forget, however easy that is. bit this is it

"Realizations"

"In Apathy And Thought
Callous Remembrance
Weakened Spirit
Troubled Mind

Time Passes
Wounds Heal
Mind Functions
Scabs Form

Dark Nights
Have Brighter Mornings

Deadly Tyrants
Have Remorse

The Darkest Cloud
Has A Silver Lining"

both realll rough and alot can change lyrically
but the idea is there
i would like to use these for feeding frenzy
but who knows
anyways thanks

With Love
-Chris

"Love"

2007-06-28T00:47:00.000-07:00

I know ive been talking about my emotions as of late, and i msure by the bulletins (if your my friend) you have a general idea of wat im going through. ive been in this weird relationship limbo with my ex. not knowing what the deal was with us, and not being the best person i could be.

The funny thing is, i know deep down, im over her, and want to be her friend, which i have no problem being at all. i rather be in her life than not at all. but like allways my paranoia got the best of me, and i interpreted things wrong and made a fool out of myself and pushed her even that much father away. which is a regret i have. Im gratefull i have a second chance. And that she stil lgives a shit. Sometimes i really dont, i dont care, i dont want to care at least even though i know i do. So i say things that i really shouldnt have, and she interpreted them as something else. Whos to blame? neither of us, it was a bad stuation.

It would kill me to see her with another guy, but the fact is, she will find someone else, someone better and i shouldnt lie to myself. Cause if i g et all crazy that will push her away. And im not down with that. So im gunna be the better man, swallow my pride cause i know what important and that us mainting this friendship.

Do I think im gunna date or find someone soon? no i dont think so, i need to grow heal and learn from this, what good is your heart if it doesnt break right?

Theres so many things i would have done differently, and it sucks, cause i know things would have been way better. But everything happens for a reason, and im fine with that.

Its hard not talking to her as much, but i cant blame her, i mean why, im just an ex now.

I dont know what i mean to her now, and at this point i dont know iof i should even care, will it matter or make a difference. probably not.

Ive been told im a troubled souls with a tourmented mind, and i sympathize with that, i know ill allways be alone, and im fine with that. My head is to all over the place for that.

So this was just a rant, thanks for reading

With Love
-Chris

Emotion 2

2007-06-13T13:13:00.000-07:00

So, Everyone is graduating today, and allthough i do feel a little shitty cause im not graduating till summer. i cant say im not happy for them. I cant help but think what im going to do after high school. So far my plan is, get another job, go to college, and move out. And hopefully have a significant other that i can share this with. The funny thing is, finding a girl will probably be alot harder than anything else, since i have no game and am the shittiest boy friend on this side of the missipp. Im not giving up on the current one, but if she doesnt wanna be with me, then she doesnt. Whatever, i still care and still feel love, but i dont know.
Im proud of her, shes getting her life together, and she deserves it, so good for her.

Im graduating this summer, i have to work my ass off, but considering how far ive come, im semi proud of myself, and cant wait to get out and get my life, whatever it might turn out to be, on with.

i dro ve andys car last night for a while, and im not a bad driver, i just need to figure out the rules, so i can pass the written test and and behind the wheel, and i think i can get it pretty easily.

I dont know what to think anymore of my love life, if she even cares, or did at all. well find out sooner or later. But i really dont know what to feel right now.
Thats it for now

With Love
-Chris

Emotion

2007-06-10T18:45:00.001-07:00

lately, ive used the word love alot, and decided i can feel it, but not describe it. The one person i put myself out there for, the one person i loved, wasnt happy, wasnt content. Im the one to blame. i couldnt cut it, and i know that. We broke up, i put alot into this girl, and stil lcare/love for her. And as far as i know she feels the same.
The cool thing about this whole situation is that, we handled it like mature people. and we are "friends" right now, but i feel the same, im not sure if this is a good thing. But im glad were talking and interacting between ourselves.

I really let this get to me at first, but my emotions now are, if she wants to be with me, then fine, if she doesnt i really am not going to lose sleep over it. And we can still be close...
were on a "break" which puts the whole we might get back together thing in my head, which makes me happy. In the end, thats all i want her and me to be, happy and content. i made a mistake the first time. I know what she wants, i know what to do, and all i can ask for is a second chance, But thats not me, im not going to beg, if we get back into this, i want her to be 100% for it.

Right now im getting my life together, driving, credit, getting out of high school. and im doing it for two people, myself and her, so maybe we can be back together, if not then thats fine, im happy with what were doing. I would be really happy and content, if i had someone to love back, but thats whats hurts....is i dont.

i wanna say alot, but i hold back, becuase i dont know if she wants to hear. We agreed not to see other people, and i can say im happy about that, i jsut hope she hold up her end of the deal. Im not untrustworthy, i do trust her, i just hope she cares enough to hold back.

Im very paranoid, and this is something that REALLY bothers me, cause i know it gets on her nerves, but sometimes i cant help it. Like i said i dont NOT trust her, i just dont like being let down.

Basiclly im willing to work it out, and i know if we do get back together it will be a millions times better, and not make the same mistakes. But if not shes an amazing girl. Theres more i can say, but ill stop there

lets see what else is going on, tommarow is my last day of regular school, and im excited, i have summer school to go too, but thats not gunna be a big deal, i have some work to do, but im so close that i want to make this happen, for me and my mom. I cant wait to make her happy when i graduate. Ill feel like a half decent son if i do.

Bands are doing ok, feeding frenzy should have practice this week for a show we have this weekend, im excited cause we get to play the new stuff and i get to do one of my favorite things, and thats perform on stage, nothing i like more is to give people a good time, and make them feel like they got what they paid for, or didnt haha.
i practiced with this new band so far its me, anthony,eric sheldon,fes and were getting a new drummer. im excited cause this is a new style were trying, think strife meets youth of today with maybe a lil D-beat styling. im singing and everyone thinks my voice will sound good with the style.

Thats it for now...
With Love
-Chris